From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
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