i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
