JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
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