Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
