she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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