clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
