Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
