I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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