i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize