That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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