I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
