Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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