also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
