he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
