Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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