eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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