Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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