You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
