well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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