when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
What drink are we having for lunch?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize