She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You are the jesus of drinking
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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