do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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