mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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