is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize