Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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