i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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