great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
