I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
