Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
