All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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