Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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