Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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