The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize