hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
