I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
