My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
