My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
