don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
