My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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