arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
