It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
