I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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