the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
