You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
i now understand why vodka
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
