I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
