then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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