Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
