it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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