Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm at about main and main street
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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