I'm going to jail i love you
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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