Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
