i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
