I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
