I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
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