bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
