I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
