ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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