I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
you never un-have a 4some
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize