New invention idea: vibrating tampons
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
