on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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