If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
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