Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
