You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
