You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
She's JV to your varsity
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize